What He Has Reminded Me

I’ve struggled to know how to put pen to paper (theoretically) after a year’s absence. There are so many things I want to say. However, one of the key things I’ve learned this last year is there is a time and place for things, and I’m not certain public writing is the place for all things.

Though, it is the place for some things. And that is why I’m here today. 

This year-long sabbatical from writing was not my plan, but in hindsight I am convinced it was the Lord’s. There was much that needed to be done in the quiet place of my own home and heart. I hope as I share some of these things He encourages your own heart. Be comforted, dear saints. He who began a good work is indeed faithful to complete it. 

After losing our first baby last spring I went through a series of health issues and resolutions. They were not all connected to the miscarriage, but were brought to light through it. At one point I wondered if there was any chance we’d be able to have a baby. The answer turned out to be yes. Our daughter has made her presence very known in many ways over these last months, and we eagerly anticipate her arrival this spring. A daughter coming alongside the tulips. How very appropriate. God has reminded me that He does indeed make all things new. 

Growing up in a larger family, I thought I knew what there was to know about pregnancy and childbearing. This pregnancy hit me like a brick wall though and quickly dismantled any preconceived notions of preparedness I had. Two siblings got married in my first trimester and by God’s grace I did not vomit walking down the aisle. Regular migraines resulted in me stepping down from the job I loved a semester early and beginning a season of full-time homemaking. God has reminded me that I am but dust, and He is the One writing my story, not me. 

Through the weeks of sickness and winter I struggled to believe that the baby in my womb would stay. The anticipation of every OB appointment filled me with fear and the adrenaline crash afterward sent me to bed. At thirteen weeks we had our second ultrasound and as I watched her little body move around with wild excitement, a hand appeared clearly on the screen, seeming to wave at me. It was the first moment I felt something akin to excitement during this pregnancy. There will never be a moment quite like seeing my daughter wave to me for the first time. God has reminded me that He is gentle and kind to my weak soul. 

Adjusting to life outside the workforce and at home full time turned out to be more of an adjustment than I’d anticipated. How little I understood about what goes into making a house a home. I have been able to see clearly how much my actions and decisions in the sphere of home impact my husband. What I once viewed as a mere task list turns out to be a full-time ministry to the people God has ordained for me to live with in this season. I’m beginning to see how things like meal planning, laundry folding, vacuuming, and decorating for spring are kingdom work. God has reminded me that ministry is more than a church building or program. 

As I have wrestled through these things (and many more that are not meant to be shared in this sphere) my mind has sought clarity in writing. The pages of my journal have filled, and my desire to chronicle what the Lord is doing and tell it to the congregation has once again been rekindled. God has reminded me how much He works in my own heart when I sit to write. 

And that friends, is both the explanation of where I have been and why I am back. As always, I pray that whatever you read here points to the goodness and faithfulness of the Father who is leading us Home.